TRUTH, TRUST and BETRAYAL—The Hurt, the Anguish...Is It Worth It?
We Have to Distrust Each Other. It is our Only Defense Against Betrayal. — Tennessee Williams … Do you agree?
Every betrayal begins with trust. — Martin Luther
Betrayal is the only truth that sticks. — Arthur Miller
If you’re betrayed, release disappointment at once. By that way, the bitterness has no time to take root. — Toba Beta
Betrayal can be extremely painful, but it's up to you how much that pain damages you permanently. — Emily V. Gordon
All trust involves vulnerability and risk, and nothing would count as trust if there were no possibility of betrayal. — Robert C. Solomon
Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie. — Russian Proverb
Today, were going to expand our discussion of truth as not only the foundation of ethical intelligence but also its importance in areas that seem, initially, unrelated. Truth always underlies trust. And, as Martin Luther reminds us, “every betrayal begin with trust.”
A civilized society works because of trust. Trust lubricates everyday simple activities, like driving a car. When we get into our car and head for the road, we are implicitly trusting that other drivers are licensed, skilled enough to not run into us and not driving under the influence of a mind altering substance. If we could not implicitly trust other drivers, most of us would not venture onto the highways.
Granted, there are instances where that implicit trust is violated. We all know about accidents resulting from unskilled drivers and people who drive under the influence of drugs or alcohol. But, on the whole, our trust of other drivers is vindicated. This condition, however, doesn't extend to other areas of our lives.
There is a growing distrust in our society these days. It has resulted from people feeling betrayed by leaders in all aspects of society and in societal institutions that once were regarded as sacrosanct. I plan to cover that distrust in our next issue when I write about puppet masters. This week, I want to relate a business story in an effort to get us focused on the truth of our lives.
We have all been betrayed, in love, marriage, relationships and business. Too many of us blame ourselves instead of the liar who betrayed us. Let’s consider this true story.
The Manchurian investor
Some years ago, a physician colleague named Bill, had invented a new surgical device that had the potential for revolutionizing certain kinds of surgery. The financial potential was enormous. That was the good news. The bad news was Bill had run out of money. He had mortgaged everything he and his wife owned and had run up 19 credit cards with six figures of additional debt.
As he was looking for additional capital, Bill happened to have lunch with an old friend, who we will call Jack, to discuss Bill’s quest for additional financing. After hearing about Bill's quandary, Jack mentioned that he just happened to run a large Family Trust that made investments into ventures such as Bill's. That was music to Bill's ears, so he proceeded to except the investment from Jack's Trust.
Bill was so impressed with Jack and his capabilities, he elevated Jack to President and COO of the company and gave Jack broad operational authority. Several months after the investment, Bill's company debuted the product at a medical device conference. The interest was unprecedented, and the company was soon overwhelmed with orders.
A few months later, at a regularly scheduled board meeting, Jack announced that he and his Family Trust were taking over the company and that all of the operating executives had decided to join with him. Then, Jack introduced Mario, the real head of the Family and the Trust and the individual who controlled the money.
It seemed that Jack's “Family Trust” was going to make another substantial investment in the company. The board of directors had secretly agreed to the deal, and the new stock was issued at the board meeting. Bill’s shares, were now outvoted, and he was summarily fired and dismissed.
Bill went to his office and packed up his personal belongings. As he was leaving the building, Bill encountered Jack. Bill’s only remark to Jack was a question, “Why? Jack smiled and said, “My friend, friendship is one thing, but this is business! I hope you can get your hospital privileges back. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass as you leave!”
I happened to know Bill because we were in the same technology incubator together. As Bill related the story to me, I recalled several instances in my career where I had been betrayed. Bill asked me how I dealt with it. At that earlier stage of my career, I was not “ethically intelligent,” and my response was anger and revenge. Incidentally, it was an approach that rarely worked out well for anyone. In fact, anger and revenge, always seemed to spawn more destruction for everyone involved.
As it turned out, Jack and his puppet master, Mario, were only good at stabbing people in the back and not so good at running a company. The company went bankrupt, and the technology was picked up by larger medical device companies, who made enormous profits from it. In fact, the technology is still in use today.
Over the years, I lost track of Jack and Mario. They are probably still screwing inventors out of their inventions somewhere in the world. As for Bill, he and his wife went bankrupt and started over. Fortunately, he was still a skilled surgeon. And, with the help of “real” friends, reestablished his medical career.
I hope this story spurs some thoughtful consideration of betrayal. Underlying it all is deception and lies. Here is my parting thought on this subject.
And no! I don’t agree with Tennessee Williams!
Next week, we will continue our ethically intelligent journey.
Until then, Shalom!
Portions of this post were taken from my book Ethical Intelligence: The Foundation of Leadership. and my doctoral dissertation Exploring Ethical Intelligence Through Ancient Wisdom And The Lived Experiences Of Senior Business Leaders.
March 24, 2022, Volume 2, Issue 12
Dr. John, your article is excellent as usual. Too many times we are happy to give someone else control, thinking that they will "take care" of us.